To get kids to listen without yelling, walk over to them, get down to eye level, make one short request and ask them to say it back. Most of the time the problem isn’t stubbornness: it’s a request that arrived from across the house, over the noise, and far too long. Below you’ll find a game to practice this today and the way of asking that works.

The game “What did Mom ask?”: 15 ready-made requests

It works for Mom, Dad, Grandma, Grandpa or whoever is in charge. The adult makes a request, the child says it back out loud and then does it. If they get it right, they earn a Pigúiça woof: everybody barks softly to celebrate. Start with one-step requests, then two, then three. If the child slips up, no problem: say it again slowly and try once more. There’s no punishment here, only giggles.

1 step: “Get your favorite pillow.”
1 step: “Give your stuffed animal a hug.”
1 step: “Clap three times.”
1 step: “Touch the tip of your nose with one finger.”
1 step: “Make your best puppy face.”
2 steps: “Pick up your stuffed animal and sit with it on the couch.”
2 steps: “Jump twice, then freeze like a statue.”
2 steps: “Pick up a sock and take it to the laundry basket.”
2 steps: “Turn around slowly, then sit on the floor.”
2 steps: “Grab a book and show the cover to the family.”
3 steps: “Pick up the pillow, put it on the floor and sit on it.”
3 steps: “Hug the teddy bear, count to three and tuck him into bed.”
3 steps: “Take a sock, hide it behind the pillow and come tell me where it is.”
3 steps: “Clap twice, spin once and sit like Pigúiça, nice and quiet.”
3 steps: “Grab a book, sit on the couch and show me your favorite page.”

Once the game catches on, switch roles: the child makes the request and the adult gets it wrong on purpose, mixing up the steps. Kids love correcting a grown-up, and correcting takes serious attention.

The way of asking that works

These six steps take under a minute and suit any age:

Walk over. A request shouted from another room turns into background noise.
Get down to eye level. Meeting their eyes says “this matters” without a loud voice.
Say their name. “Mia, look at me.” The name grabs attention before the request does.
Keep it short. One thing at a time, saying what to do rather than what to avoid.
Ask them to repeat it. “What did Mom ask?” It’s the game above, in real life.
Say thank you. “Thanks for helping!” Even when it’s a small thing.

And here are ready-made phrases to swap in:

Instead of “Stop that!”, say “Feet on the floor, please.”
Instead of “You never listen!”, say “Look at me, I need your help.”
Instead of “Clean up this room!”, say “Put the blocks in the box.”
Instead of “Hurry up!”, say “Put your shoes on, I’ll wait right here.”
Instead of “Don’t shout!”, say “Use your secret voice.”

Why yelling doesn’t work

When a voice goes up, a child gets scared or shuts down. Their mind fills with the scare instead of the request. Worse, they learn that they only need to act when the volume rises, so the adult has to get louder and louder. A calm request, made up close and always in the same way, does the opposite: the child knows what to expect and what to do.

To understand the thinking behind this, read about positive discipline without yelling. And remember: in the middle of a meltdown, no request works. Comfort first, ask second. There’s more in how to handle tantrums.

Tips by age

Ages 3 to 4

Stick to one-step requests and help with gestures: point at the pillow while you ask. If your child tries the two-step ones, celebrate the effort. Play for a few minutes, only while it’s fun.

Ages 5 to 6

This is the perfect age for two and three steps. Let your child be the “game boss” now and then and invent requests for you.

Ages 7 to 8

Give three-step requests in an unusual order and agree on a secret signal, like two taps on the shoulder, that means “listening time.” Afterwards, unwind together with the free Pigúiça game.

Frequently asked questions

My child repeats the request but doesn’t do it. Now what?

Stay close, repeat the same sentence in a calm voice, and wait a few seconds. If they still don’t go, help them do it together, hand over hand, and say thanks. If this happens all the time, or you suspect they don’t hear well, talk to your pediatrician.

How many times should I repeat a request?

Ask once, up close, and give a few seconds. If needed, repeat it a second time with the same words and no raised tone. Changing the sentence over and over only confuses things.

Can I play with more than one child?

Yes, and it’s great. Siblings take turns: one gets the request and the other gives the Pigúiça woof. When they get it right, the celebration bark is everyone’s together.

How to get kids to listen without yelling: 15-request game

Your next adventure could be a moment together.